im thinking of going organic.
or semi-organic.
but i really wanna make a lifestyle change.
but then.. i love food too much.
what a foggy path ahead
so let me tell you, I have this job and it’s really great it is really. But a part of me doesn’t feel complete. I feel like it’s not where I’m supposed to be. I love kids. I love helping the needy andthe disabled and giving them a purpose in life but I don’t feel lime I belong in that field.
I don’t like what I turn into when I’m working there. I become bossy and demanding. I’m prompting my 13 year old brother and doing behavior rehearsals with them. I’m coming home with cuts and bruises and I don’t feel like I’m part of the team. I don’t feel like I’m making a big enough difference or that the work I do is co tinually being judged and scrutinzed. I don’t like my coworkers. I feel worlds apart from them mainly because I’m awkward and my work doesn’t compare to theirs. They are amazing group of girls that do great things with the kids that they work with. They Re always on top of their game and they know what to do when I’m always confused. And it makes me wonder if I’m cut out for this. If this is what I’m supposed to do if I can really do this. And I don’t think I can. I don’t think I have what it takes. I felt the same way I did when I worked at a different school but I thought this time it would be different. And it was foe a little bit. I was trained better and everyone was at first welcoming. Butthen realized how much I suck at my job so they don’t really talk to me. Or maybe I’m just awkward. I tried you know. I tried to be all funny and talk to them but I always felt snubbed by them. And that’s annoying and that hurts you know. That kind of stuff is hard to deal with when you already feel like a complete outsider. I just want to do better at my job and pray to God that I get the opportu it to prove myself to these girls and do a good job. I pray for it every day.
But regardless of my failed relationship with the other teachers in my class I still don’t see myself working in the setting for the rest of my life. I see myself in a hospital or clinic. Working with people and seeing different walks of life and assessing different situations. I love anatomy. I love figuring out breaks and heals your body. I love it all. It’s what I want to do. I love pathologies and I love muscles and nerves and bones and tissues. I love learning about the body. And what a great thing would it be for me to work with ion a daily basis. It’s what I want to do. But I feel like I don’t have what it takes. I feel that I will fall short in my graduate applications. I’m feeling greatly disheartened. I don’t know if I should stick to my job a d out off graduate school or if i should immediately apply. But if I do the latter, what if I do not get accepted. What do I do then?
I have a lot of questions. And very little time to answer them.
We Live in an Age of Convenience
What ever happened the saying “Good things come to those who wait”.
It’s all about Immediacy and getting X as fast as possible. No one stops and smells the flowers anymore.
I hate it but I’m still an active part of it.
pet peeve.
My biggest pet peeve is when people call me Joanne.
That’s not my fucking name people. It’s Joanna. There’s an A at the end.
Fuck
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May 3rd 2008 babe. It’s on!
Run
